And then my 4 y.o. came up with his own, better, idea.

At the end of this story, I also want to #mythbust mask misinformation, while we are talking about them.

Disclaimer, because this is social media where misconstruing things is the rule of the day: The mask is not the point of this story. It must be clearly understood that what I’m sharing with you here is NOT advising you to put your young child in a mask, unless otherwise advised, such as in an older child or in clinical situation. I do NOT recommend that. Experts do NOT recommend that. I have NOT recommended that to my own child, as you will hear below.

And on we go:

My 4 y.o. T. has had a lot of anger and anxiety about the #coronavirus. It’s very normal and many of your families may be experiencing it during #covid19 Depending on their age, children experience this anxiety for many reasons. This may include feeding off of parental stress and anxiety, missing friends/family, media exposure, and/or loss of routine. It depends on your child’s age, your family experience, and your child’s personality. (T. is quite intense, there is no denying that! I do love that about him, though.)

What does anxiety in children look like? It can be different from adults and different in each child. It can be clinginess or developmental regression (such as wanting to do baby things again), or new/worsening separation anxiety. It can be bad dreams or nightmares. It can be new “unrelated” fears of things real or imaginary. It can be anger. It can be sadness. It can be “acting out”. It can be picking fights over silly things, in an effort to “control” the choice or outcome over something when everything else feels out of control. T. has had almost all of this.

Before we got to the day that a Spiderman mask arrived in the post, what else have I tried to do to to help T. with his anxiety over the last 3 months?

1. Established routine and boundaries. Routine reassures many children in that, paradoxically, it gives young children control: they know what to expect next. And real control wherever possible about letting him choosing snacks or next activity or getting dressed.

2. I have carefully censored his media – screen and radio – so that I can control the narrative, keep it fact-based and reassuring.

3. Lots of outdoor activity. It’s good for physical and mental health. (I’m a firm believer in #socialdistancing which means he has been at home or on walks in our area. No shops, no errands together. Which he – and I – really miss.)

4. Answered his questions factually — but reassuring him at all times.

5. Tried to give him a focus for his anger at his little life being upside down, sort of amateur home play theray to give him a chance to play out the story with him in control. I (poorly) sewed him “SokCorona”, complete with a face f. We’ve also drawn the virus. We’ve made it out of salt dough and smooshed it. The story stays that virus is annoying and silly but it is always squished in the end. I let him play “vaccine” in which he chased us all around with an old Calpol syringe for a few days. (that, which was his own idea, is a whole other story for another day!)

6. Like many children of frontline workers, he is worried that I might catch the virus at work. I sent selfies of myself in a mask at work to DH’s WhatsApp to share with T. during the day to show him that I am kept safe (I’m not a big fan of HCW PPE selfies. That is the only selfie of me from this pandemic: the one I sent my 4 y.o.)

7. I’ve tried, like all of you do, to come up with creative and distracting activities around the house. More colouring, more gardening, water play with every plastic bottle and cup from the recycling bin, drawing, lots of walks, Skyping grandparents, more screentime than usual, bubbles, outdoor chalk, paddling pool, small sandbox, fort building…

8. DH watches bit of RTE HomeSchool Hub/Extra with him. It seemed to help T. to see that all the other children were just the same. Often he wants to try things he saw the other children doing.

9. Took my expert colleague’s best advice and ignored/allowed regressive behaviour in T. with little comment. He wanted some baby things again. It was thankfully short-lived.

But…

Despite our best efforts to restrict his exposure to media and news, T. has still picked up from our socially distanced walks out in the community that masks have an important role. Last Saturday, I came home from the hospital by lunch so we went for a lovely sunny walk to see how the local moorhen chicks are getting on. He became tearful that we weren’t wearing masks. I explained they aren’t necessary outside away from other people and aren’t necessary or recommended for little ones in the community. To no avail. He insisted that he needs a mask. He was adamant. There was no reasoning this point with him, especially given that it clear that this wasn’t a childish tantrum asking for a toy or sweet. It was coming from a place of true anxiety.

So I told him I would sort it. I had a quick look at SokCorona later that night, and judging by that, had to admit my sewing skills as not up to the mask task.

I ordered a tiny superhero mask from one of the many Irish seamstresses who are doing a fab job on Etsy! When it arrived in the post, I really thought he would tell me to get rid of it but oddly, he was DELIGHTED. He put it on and promptly started hopping SokCorona off the kitchen wall. DH now has a new anxiety wondering what the neighbours think of us on walks with a mask over our young child’s face… Yes, we’ve gotten some looks.🤷‍♀️ But T. is carrying that mask around inside and outside happily right now. Marked change in sleep, play, and mood over last 3 days.

What I’m sharing with you here isn’t the point to put your very young child in a mask. I do NOT recommend that. Experts do NOT recommend that. I have NOT recommended that to my own child, and reiterate daily that if it makes him feel happy and safe, ok: but that he does not need to wear it.

My point that I’m sharing is that while your child’s anxiety is normal…the right response might be more, um … unique.

😷So, masks, what should you know:

• There are just ridiculous people on both sides of the spectrum, especially since this has become politicised or a way to get 15 minutes of attention, claiming benefits and harms of mask wearing. #infodemic The evidence doesn’t support many of these extreme claims on either side. Worn correctly, it can reduce harm to those around you. Follow official HSE advice here.

• There is no harm to the wearer from wearing a mask, if done correctly. People have lost their minds and forgot that thousands of professionals from around the world from doctors, nurses, dental professionals, veterinarians, lab workers, zoo keepers, construction industry workers … have worn masks hours at a time a day, day after day, for years as part of their PPE with no ill effects. Uncomfortable to get used to? Absolutely. C02 retention? Just nonsense pseudoscience. As is infecting yourself by breathing back in your own germs. #infodemic

• Real harm from a mask? Harm to others and our environment by incorrect use and disposal. Harm from a mask comes from touching and adjusting it repeatedly, not socially distancing or practicing hand hygiene because you think the mask is going to protect you, or removing/disposing of it incorrectly. A cloth mask protects others more than you. This is obviously not important to explain to my anxious 4 y.o. but is important for adults to understand.

• If you are using a disposable mask, and finished with it: Put. It. In. The. Bin. Please. It is foul behaviour to leave these in shopping trolleys and footpaths, spreading disease and littering our communities. Masks protect others more than yourself. #inthistogether