“I have a question more to do with a mental health issue. My son is 21 months. He has always been very attached to me but lately it bordering on the ridiculous. I cannot leave a room without him. I cannot leave him alone with his dad, nana or grandad without tears and him calling for me. I’m his main care giver. I don’t leave him with anyone else very often only if it’s unavoidable. Has this backfired on me? People tell me to make the most of it as he won’t want to know me in awhile. I’m hoping it’s a phase and he’ll be settled enough for playschool next year. What should I do to reassure my little boy?”
Your son is likely absolutely normal. That doesn’t make it easy. Let’s talk a little more about separation anxiety, which varies widely from child to child. Separation anxiety can be normal in children this age, but very stressful and emotional on mammy! No mental health issue, unless it is distressing you. And it might be. That’s normal too.
Realising you disappear kicks off separation anxiety starting as early as 9 months in some children. But some children don’t really start until as late as 18 months of age. And by the time children are 3 years of age,they understand what their emotional scenes have on us. (that doesn’t mean they still aren’t a little stressed.) Separation anxiety can also be part of bedtime/sleep problems (refusal to go to bed, endless cuddles and stories, wanting parent to sit with them as they go to sleep, wanting to go into parents’ bed).
Best bets to survive saying goodbye to a child experiencing separation anxiety:
1. To stay sane, remember: It is normal. It is a developmental phase. It will pass. And most children calm quickly after you’re out of sight.
2. If it a regular drop-off to granny or child-minder: Create quick good-bye rituals (kisses, handshake for a toddler, handing over beloved lovey or doll). Keep it snappy. The longer the goodbye routine takes, the longer the anxiety lasts for your child.
3. Be consistent. A routine is reassuring and allows your child to trust you.
4. Put away your phone!! When saying goodbye, give your child full attention.
5. Don’t lie to your child. Be back exactly as you say you will be back. Popping in and out unexpectedly can create more stress for your child, even if it’s reassuring to you.
6. Be specific in a way your toddler understands. Saying you will be back at 4pm means nothing to someone who can’t read or count. Saying you will be back after naptime or snack time is more clear.
7. Practice being apart. Start small. When your younger infant crawls out of sight, give him or her a moment before following. Let him or her learn nothing bad happens if you are out of their eye sights. Try short separations, such as an hour alone at granny’s.
8. If you’re child is hungry, tired, or sick, the separation anxiety will be worse.
9. As tempting as it is, don’t just sneak out on a completely unaware and distracted infant or child. Distraction when you are leaving is an excellent technique used by experience child minders and grannies, but child should still be aware that you are or will be leaving.
10. To reassure you, if you are distressed, you could ask the child minder or granny to let you know that your child has settled.For whatever reason, 3 y.o. T. never minded being left with the childminder who comes to our home (maybe to do with set-up, or the fact Daddy works from home). But he wailed and clung to me each morning when he first started naíonra/pre-school. I was so convinced I’d made the wrong decision to let him start. I spoke to the very experienced stiúrthóir, who told me to just have a quick look back in through the naíonra window after I stepped out. Sure enough, within seconds, T. was happily at the sand table, no looks back! Over months, his goodbyes got less dramatic. I still sometimes get a little chin wobble or lingering tight hug, but he quickly lets go voluntarily and runs off to play. We’ve both gotten better at it, but critically, his developmental growth played a huge part (he will be 4 next month).
What if you are worried your child’s anxiety isn’t normal? Best place to start is by talking to your GP.
Lice – Let’s Bust those Urban Myths!
It's #HealthyBackToSchool Week which bring us to: Creepy topic of lice. They really need no introduction. So we will crack on with what works and what doesn't and dispel some urban myths that do regular rounds. Firstly, who gets them? Everyone! In fact, lice love...
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