What happens when your son is too embarrassed to go to the doctor?

“I’ve concerns for my son and his bowel health.
We recently lost my dad. Huge blow for us all. But my son never grieved or showed any upset when my dad passed.
Recently he has been having problems going to the loo. It started with what I thought was constipation and I gave him Andrews and he was grand the next day. Going as normal. The last two weeks he has had very loose to almost water bowel movements. So I got something to help him.
My mum then recalled a family member having a problem similar. The doctor said this person had a lump of fecal matter stuck in the gut and only water was getting through. The doctor gave him sennacot and it helped him. My son is scared to go to the doctor, he’s embarrassed. Can you give me some advice?”

I’m very sorry for your loss. And it wouldn’t surprise you or anyone to know that it isn’t uncommon for health to suffer during times of stress or grief.

Your post raises 2 points, and I’m going to address them separately. The first point is the most important: what happens when embarrassment leads to your son (or husband?) not getting the medical help that he needs?

You don’t say how old your son is in your question. He’s unlikely to be very young if he is embarrassed. Small boys seem to have no embarrassment at all about their poos, which is usually equally horrifying to their mothers.

As difficult as it is, try get your son to understand that poo is EXACTLY what doctors do. When it comes to diarrhoea, constipation and bowel problems (and worse!), we have heard, seen, smelled, and tested it all. GPs, ED doctors, surgeons, general internal medical doctors, paediatricians, geriatricians, rehab, gastroenterologists, obstetricians/gynaecologists… the only docs that probably don’t talk about poo or prescribe laxatives daily are ENT and Ophthalmology. I promise you: It is REALLY hard to shock your doc.

This point is KEY for your son’s future health: Men are more reluctant to attend doctors, and this had a direct effect on their health, quality of life, and life expectancy. Many men’s health problems are “embarrassing”: acnes, tight or retracted foreskin, haemorrhoids, change in bowel habit, pain or trouble urinating, erectile dysfunction, breast growth/lumps/pain/discharge, abnormal body odour, odd rashes, excessive sweating, blood in urine/semen. Sexual health in teenage/young adult males is equally concerning for this reason. Even MORE concerning is the reluctance of boys and men to discuss mental health with their doctor.

If I can get one point across to all mammies of boys this morning:

It is a key life skill to teach them to never be hesitant or embarrassed to seek appropriate medical treatment when they are worried or not well.