“Cá bhfuil Fuzzy?” It’s a common bedtime panicked hunt around my house for 3 y.o. T’s beloved cuddly, who often finds himself left with the blocks or on the sofa or stuck in a buggy. And it’s a common panicked post in mammy groups: “Has anyone seen this fuzzy pink bunny?” There are few mammies here who haven’t felt that sudden dread when they realise that that a beloved lovey or special teddy has fallen out of the buggy. Are you silly when you start retracing steps through Tesco and Boots, praying and promising anything to find it? No, not at all. It is one of the kindest things you can do for your small child or infant. Really.
A Transitional Object, or comfort object, is usually a soft toy or a blanket, and can be a really important part of emotional growth for an infant and small child.
It has been well-studied by child psychologist. At the age of 6 months is when a child first figures out that s/he is not actually physically part of mammy. This is a little unsettling to infants. This object represents (not replaces!) components of “mothering” and can be quite comforting. The transitional object is important at the time of going to sleep and when child is anxious. Occasionally, children will choose something less classic like their soother or a small bit of sung melody that they hum to themselves.
If you have a small child, you probably instantly know what I’m talking about, and know exactly which toy or blanket your child values as his or her transitional object.
If you are a new mammy, any advice? You can select your child’s transitional object sometimes (though, sometimes, the child will just cling to something anyway) Why would you want to select it? Because of those panicked posts above! Select an infant appropriate and cot-safe toy, and buy at least 2. 3 is even better. (no, the shop will not have more when you need it 6 months later. And never at 11pm.) As your child approaches 5-6 months, include this toy or lovey in your cuddles, especially at bed time, creating a comforting association between your reassurance and the toy’s feel. Regularly wash and rotate the toys/blankets so that they become evenly worn, stay relatively clean, and don’t take on strong odours. When middle of the night vomit strikes or it goes missing on Bus Eireann, you will have ready and acceptable replacement while you sort it out. Consider a tag on the toy with your (not child’s, for safety) name and phone number if traveling.
Never force your older child to surrender this object, if at all possible. Older children may need it at bedtime or at times of stress, such as illness, for years. It is normal and healthy. It may be appropriate to ask the child to leave toy/blanket in bed or in the car, for school of if you think it is an activity not suitable for the toy or high danger of it becoming lost or damaged. I would highly, highly support allowing the toy to come along to doctor’s appointments and hospital stays, as well as scary things, such as airplane journeys or nights away from home.
Want to read more on this? Great writing and interesting personal stories at: https://www.theguardian.com/society/2018/dec/12/still-have-childhood-teddy-psychological-power-toys-we-keep
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