Chances are you were at your most popular at around age 23, and you haven’t made a new friend in 5 years.

Shocked – or sound about right?

Those stats in a recent Blue Zones article actually resonated a bit with me.  And I know I’m not alone.  When I first started this social media project, I wrote about the idea of setting up a “buddy bench” in playgrounds for mothers after this piece garnered so much reaction in a local mammy group.  https://www.everymum.ie/my-life/relatable/do-mums-also-need-a-buddy-bench/ So I looked up the research and before you say “Oh pandemic….” – I checked – it was published in 2019. The study was done in the US, but I think much of this would resonate with the large number of adults who find themselves with a shrinking social circle.

Why am I talking about this as a doctor?  Social Connections are essential for mental and physical health. We’ve talke before how loneliness or social isolation has a direct impact on health, including for example, substantially increasing your risk of heart disease.  I ask my patients about their ocial connections and relationships all the time!  

So, first let’s talk about why this happens (there is nothing wrong with you!!)

The commonest reasons for shrinking social circle include moving from one community to another, family taking up too much time, wanting to avoid alcohol/drinking, feeling shy, and/or feeling that everyone else’s social circle is complete already. Others feel that they don’t have an interest or hobby to share that would make it easy to join a social club. However, almost half the adults out there would like more friends. 

The Solution is … dating? 

The common advice often given does work for some:  Volunteer in your community, network through existing social circle, join a social club or take a class.  But, whether your looking for love or friendship, it takes more than just opportunity.  Blue Zones has some great advice – which is essentially approach making new friends like dating:

Be brave and make the first move. Ask someone for their number or suggest going for coffee.  Something with not too intense.  It goes without saying – put your phone away!  Actively engaging with people and asking them questions about themselves helps create connection. 

Think there is some friend chemistry? Don’t wait too long to follow up with text or suggestion to meet up again.

Make it a group thing:  This all sounds too awkward?  Invite someone new along with do something with one or two people you already know.  Less intense.

But maybe it’s not working:   Experts suggest the 3 date rule for new friends.  If you are still awkward, aren’t enjoying each other’s company – it’s just not right.  There’s nothing wrong.  It’s okay to let that person move from prospective friend into more of an acquaintance.

 I’d like more social connection but that’s all a bit intense?

Have a look back to our Talk to Me challenge from last October.  Increasing your small daily interactions in your community – like chatting with the barista – can improve self-confidence and positivity!

Any more to be said for that buddy bench for mammies idea?