It’s holiday season and it’s busy.  Does that parent group send WhatsApp messages at all hours?  Does work send emails on Sunday nights?  Do you have notifications from friends in Australia that ping at 4am.  Do you have family that seem to have no boundaries when it comes to when to ring you?

What are your boundaries?

Here are some common boundaries that I regularly prescribe to patients.  Because they put the patient in control of the things the patients has the most control over — without relying on anyone else’s cooperation:

• The boundary of your bed:  It is only for sleep and sex.  No work, not homework, not arguments on the family WhatsApp, not checking the next day’s calendar.  Most definitely not for social media scrolling.  The only exception here is an intentional sleep routine activity, such as listening to meditation or music or reading for pleasure.  Note: if using an e-book, very handy to set device to flight mode and/or disconnect from WiFi.

• The boundary of the WhatsApp:  Only recommended if you are someone who needs to be reached by phone overnight (otherwise, read more on this below), mute large or particularly active groups for 8 hours.  You can also set it to mute for 1 week if you need a break or are away on holidays. Longer term, you can archive conversations which means new conversations won’t come up as notifications or immediately come to the top of the feed.  Just because Karen has a great idea about the fundraisere at 1am doesn’t mean you need to deal with it then.

• The boundary of the work email:  First of all, why is it on your personal phone?  Does it really need to be there?   Is it actually part of your work contract that you are available 27/7/365? Take it off, or at least disable push notifications.  Definitely consider disconnecting it from a personal wearable device.  If it is the work phone, why is it on, in your home, when you aren’t working?   Turn it off.   If you are using one phone for both purposes, get a second phone.

• Use email options to give yourself more flexibilty:  Use options such as scheduling email to send email at a set time/date.  Consider using the signature of your email to politely let people know that “your working hours may not be their working hours” or what time zone you are working in to set expectations.

• The boundary of  notifications: Turn them off.  Do you really need to know all the “breaking news”?  Many websites ask for your permission to send push notifications, and many people agree without consciously reading it, or realising they can disable this later.  Not all “breaking news” is that critical.

• The Boundary of the Phone:  This one is the most important.  You can turn it off.  Just turn it off. Unless you are on-call for emergencies (work or family).  Regardless,  set and enforce a screentime curfew in your home.  Devices should be powered off, and placed in a charging area in a common area in the home.  If you just got anxious at this suggestion, consider whether phone addiction may be a problem.

• Free yourself from the phone:  Do you use it for an alarm clock, and find yourself scrolling when turning it on/off?  Do you use it for a timer and then scroll?  Do you use it for music or streaming?  Constantly checking it for calendar settings, shopping lists, and reminders – and end up scrolling then checking work email and now the WhatsApp group has a new notification then…?  These are all useful applications and have real benefit BUT as crazy as this seems:  consider actually getting a kitchen timer or an alarm clock or a family calendar or white board.  In our home, we’ve also added an Alexa EchoDot.  With the correct (and child-safe!) set up, “she” is very good at being a kitchen timer, calendar, reminders, creating lists and answering quick Google questions without overload of information or use of screens – and helpfully, can also be turned off or disconnected easily.

• Boundaries:  Just Say No. Prioritising yourself, your physical health, your sleep, and your mental health is the reason for boundaries, and central to setting them.  It’s okay to say no to thing that you don’t want to do and don’t have to do.   Your working hours are not someone else’s working hours – so respond on your schedule, not theirs.

How I do it in my own home?

• My own patients have a mobile number to reach me, but they are cautioned it is not for emergency use.  They are hesistant to use it as “they don’t want to bother me.”  What they fail to appreciate is that I have control over whether or not they will bother me:  I control when I check the messages.  I control when it is turned on.  I control who has the number.  It is also not the same number that I have for my friends and family.  I love my patients, but it is still a work phone.

• My work email is set with a signature advising colleagues of my working hours.

• No internet-enabled devices in bedrooms in the home.

• *** Did you know?  You are reading this on a Sunday night – but I didn’t write it then!  Social media managers can set date/time for publishing Blogs and posts on most social media platforms.  I use them for this social media project!