Sleep. Almost nothing is more important for your child’s happiness, health, and success in school. And it was central to so many of your questions. I’m going to wrap this all up into one. We’ll start with the basics of sleep hygiene, from baby to adult, and finish up with troubleshooting.

The basics:

So, how much sleep does your child need? Probably more than they are getting. Both health and educational professionals note that many children are just not getting enough (I’m not even asking, but hands up, how many mammies are getting enough sleep?):

Infants 4 to 12 months need 12 to 16 hours (including naps)
Toddlers 1 to 2 years need 11 to 14 hours (including naps)
Children 3 to 5 years need 10 to 13 hours (including naps)
Children 6 to 12 years need 9 to 12 hours
Teens 13 to 18 years need 8 to 10 hours

Best bets for good sleep (much of this is good for the whole family):

Routine! If you don’t do this, nothing else will work. Young children crave and need routine. Older children and adults benefit from sleep routine as part of good sleep hygiene. A set sleep time and wake time (and nap time) is crucial. The bed time routine itself is important, especially for your children. If you start a good bedtime routine, it is more likely to continue, even with a few bumps along the way during normal sleep regressions and toddler phases (which we will leave out of today’s discussions).

Experts recommend a bedtime routine that lasts anywhere from 20 to 45 minutes. This routine should be roughly the same every night, starting at the same time. What should be included? Soothing activities, such as taking a bath, baby massage, changing into pajamas, cuddle and song, and reading stories. It should NOT include television or other electronic devices, for any age. Even you.

Things that are good ideas to try, starting with the youngest and moving upwards by age (Wait, what? Why are we talking baby if this is back-to-school? Bedtime routine reforms are usually a family-wide project to be of any success.) :

All ages: start the wind-down in your home an hour before bed. At this point, make it a house rule that there is no rough play or ANY electronic devices (play station, your teen’s phone, TV – it all counts).

All ages: Set yourself up for success. A bedroom should be quiet and dark, ideally around 19 degrees or slightly cooler overnight. Small nightlight for children is often a good idea if they are frightened of the dark. Keep your child’s room for sleep. Ban electronic devices/TVs from the room and try not to use your child’s room for time-outs or other disciplinary reasons.

After age 3 months, start putting your child into cot/co-sleeper/bed drowsy but awake for naps/evening bed time. This will help your child learn to fall asleep. Even if you co-sleep with your infant, it is doubtful that you have the time to co-sleep with your infant 12 – 16 hours a day, every day, so they will need to sleep a little on their own. Help them get calm and comfortable with the idea from an early age. [If you have that much time to nap with your baby, the rest of us are just jealous.]

Transitional object (favourite doll or teddy or lovey) in bed with your child is very helpful to help soothe and calm.

If you practice baby massage, consider adding it to your routine and continuing for as long as you and your toddler are comfortable. I cannot recommend baby massage enough for infants and mammies for many, many reasons.

The evening bath, with or without aromatherapy. The water itself is fine for your youngest baby, and may older children just need soap and water and a toy boat to relax. You don’t have to be fancy here if you want to use aromatherapy. A bit of lavender oil in the baby massage lotion/oil is great if you want, but even a commercial bedtime bath product, as long as it agrees with your child’s skin, is fine. [doctor note: I love evening bathtime, not just for the bedtime routine benefits, but it’s a great way to keep on top of healthy hygiene for young children when you aren’t under pressure of morning routine: Wash off the sunscreen, do a tick check, wet comb hair for lice after the bath, clip nails while they are soft from the bath… Supervise your slightly older child to make sure that everything actually gets clean, such as under nails and between toes.]

Lost for ideas for bedtime story? Pop into your local library. Your librarian can help you find age-appropriate bed time stories. Too young for a story? Sing a favourite song. Babies love to hear singing.

Older children/adults:

Stick to the routine, within 1 hour, on holidays or weekends. Experts suggest if your child needs more than 2 hours extra sleep on a day off, they more than likely aren’t getting enough sleep during the week.

Encourage your child/teen to get at least 1 hour of active play/exercise, ideally outdoors, daily. This is so, so important for many health reasons.

Avoid caffeine and chocolate in the evenings. A light snack 1 – 2 hours before bed, but no heavy meals right before bed.
Encourage a bedtime routine as well.

Your teen’s bedtime routine? Your teen may prefer a morning shower, and that’s fine. (For many safety and mental health reasons we’ve discussed before, experts advise that these devices not be in your child’s room overnight anyway.) Turn off the wifi if you have to. Don’t allow your older child/teen to use TV in their room to help them fall asleep. It doesn’t work and causes sleep disruption.

Aromatherapy and mindfulness/meditation activity can help. Look around for classes; some are specifically targeted for children/teens.

What else can help? White noise. Use a white noise machine or app. Many adults/teens find this helpful, and can this can help if there are sounds around your home that are disturbing your child’s sleep in early evening.

Many of you wrote in with ongoing sleep problems in older children with established poor sleep habits. How to fix it?

Here are things to try:

Set limits and stick to them. It isn’t easy. It is normal childhood behaviour to resist bedtime with a variety of time-honoured stall techniques: one last drink of water, one more story, “stay with me”. Some children will thrown bedtime tantrums. Be aware that if you have had a lot of household drama or trouble around bedtime, this itself can become a routine that children work up to each night.

Put in a new routine, and create a sticker/reward chart to give positive feedback when they follow through with the routine and go to bed, ontime, without too much fuss or drama.

Still having trouble? Keep a sleep diary. Each child’s needs are different. One easy-to-fix sleep problem is if your child needs less sleep than the parent has scheduled. For example, a parent has scheduled the child a 7pm bed time and 6am wake time (11 hours). Child only needs 9 hours. The 2 hours may look like difficulty falling asleep, middle of the night wakening, or early rising. Record for a minimum of 2 weeks: What time your child went to sleep. What time they woke up (include night wakenings). Happy in the morning? Alert during the day? Can you see a pattern? You just might.

Trouble shooting naps: sleep needs change, so as much as you need your child’s nap, your child might need less of one or be ready to drop one. Naps that are too late in the afternoon can also cause trouble with bedtime. Try a minimum spacing of 4 hours between last nap and bedtime for older toddlers/preschool.