And now: badly done home art projects…
5 y.o. T. had trouble sleeping this weekend again. He is becoming distressed going to bed because he is having nightmares. He’s had the odd trouble with night terrors up until now– but nightmares are new-ish: In the last 2 weeks, I’ve tightened up the bedtime schedule (routine had gotten a little relaxed with school closing), tried to get him to talk or draw about any worries, made sure that he has things that help comfort him (he has a night light,a white noise machine in his room, special “Fuzzy”), and talked about the scary dreams and, together, we’ve given them alternative silly endings. We were doing well and then he woke up the whole house at 3am when the giant bugs were coming for him…
So, yesterday – after the giant bug dream – T. and I talked about it as he coloured in some homeschool work (Yes, we catch up on junior infant home school at the weekends in this house. T. LOVES school work and insists on sharing the experience only with me. Thank you?). We thought of ways that the dream could have been silly: “Do those giant bugs swim? No? Would it be funny if they all fell into the Irish Sea?” T. laughs and does flailing/drowning beetle motions.
T. wanted to know where bad dreams came from. I gave him the real answer — for no other reason than I really couldn’t think of a fake one. I told him that dreams come from our thoughts about things that happen throughout the day. As our brain is sorting through these, it can mix everything up into a story which is sometimes strange, sometimes fun, and sometimes scary. But still didn’t really happen. In this case, as we talked, T. remembered that he has found earwigs earlier that day before on his toy tractor outside. He is scared of their “pinchies” – even though we told him they can’t pinch or bite. I don’t blame him – they are horrid looking.
We have been at this awhile. T. had a night time fears of the dark, but that was much better with a nightlight. He had a fear of monsters for while – so we made monster spray. (Monster spray is any spray bottle re-labeled and filled with water that can be liberally sprayed anywhere and everywhere before bed. We used to add a drop of lavender oil so T. could smell it working. I have it on excellent authority that monsters just hate that stuff.) We have a white noise machine that blocks out late night bumps and creaks. When he was very little, our dog started laying next to his bed until he fell asleep. I wish I could say I clever and trained her to do that but she just did it; as a rescue, she came with an intense fear of the dark herself. How she understood he felt he same I’ll never really know.
So, this isn’t the first nightmare, but has they hadn’t bothered him for a while he is starting to get anxious again about going to bed. So, yet another tactic was needed. Years ago, I lived and worked in the US. There is a Ojibwa (Native American tribe) practice of “dream catcher”. I roughly remembered one version of the stories to tell T.: There was a spider weaving a web for days in a grandmother’s bedroom. Her young grandson finally spotted the spider and wanted to kill it, but his grandmother stopped him. The spider waited until the young boy left the room, and then spoke to the grandmother. He thanked her for saving his life. As a gift, he showed her how to spin a web that could catch all the bad dreams and only let the good dreams through.
So, we got a branch from the garden and found some string and made a (not very beautiful) dream catcher to hang on the back of his bed. He was delighted and announced complete confidence in this plan – even as he asked how it was supposed to work if dreams were actually coming from inside his head? I shrugged and said: “I’m not sure, but do you want to try anyway?” He did. Today, he has announced it a complete success.
It’s a long post, and I’ve talked about baby/child sleep before, but it’s worth bringing this up again: Probably no other topic – except infant feeding – brings out the opinions, judgement, and mammy-shaming more in mammy groups than how your child should sleep. One mother’s journey is not another mother’s journey. A mother who is struggling with problems that are leading to anxiety, depression or sleep deprivation/tiredness to the point she cannot physically or emotionally cope needs help, not judgement. Those are all those other factors, behind the closed doors, of relationship or financial stress, long working hours, family issues, other children with ongoing needs – these are all factors that mean that platitudes such as “the nights are long but the years are short” aren’t the enough for every mammy.
There are different doctor approaches to sleep problems.How to help your child with nightmares?
Older children will benefit from same techniques as adults: good sleep hygiene techniques, reduce screen time before bed, meditation or mindfulness in evenings.
For younger children:
Remind your child that it was only a dream and not real. Remember that this may not work for young children who already have trouble understanding what is real and what is not; it’s normal for little ones.
Address fears: Nightlight for fear of the dark or “monster spray” for repelling monstersMawe a new ending to the story. Help your child think of a new, happy ending to the dream. Silly works, too. (Think of JK Rowling’s “Riddikulus” spell in her Harry Potter books – even without a wand, it’s truly magic stuff.)
The next day, if your child is still bothered by the dream, try helping them draw a picture or, if they are older, write about the dream.
0 Comments