Before we get started on sleep today, I’ve separated out the last sentence in editing on purpose because that is the key reason it needs to be talked about. If you are at your wit’s end as a mammy for any reason, especially sleep, that something is a problem. Probably no other topic – except breastfeeding – brings out the strong personal opinions, judgement, and mammy-shaming more in mammy groups than how your baby should sleep.

One mother’s journey is not another mother’s journey. A mother who is struggling with problems that are leading to anxiety, depression or sleep deprivation/tiredness to the point she cannot physically or emotionally cope needs help, not judgement. Those are all those other factors, behind the closed doors, of relationship or financial stress, long working hours, family issues, other children with ongoing needs – these are all factors that mean that platitudes such as “the nights are long but the years are short” aren’t the enough for every mammy.
There are different doctor approaches to sleep problems. However, I am of the group that believes in treating the mother and the baby, and if the mother is struggling to cope, for whatever reason, it’s time to help mammy find the path that is right for her and safe for baby. Because it is good for mother and baby: We know from evidence that a baby thrives developmentally when that mother-baby bond is supported. We know from evidence that maternal stress and depression have a negative effect on this.

So let’s talk about night terrors and something similar called “confusion arousal” (all part of a family of sleep disorders that also includes sleep walking that docs call “parasomnias”).

So, what are they?
●Night terrors (also called “sleep terrors”) are when your child wakes up suddenly at night and acts very upset. This could be screaming or even jumping out of bed! They could be sweating, breathing fast, or have a racing heart. This is important: during a night terror, no matter how you try, you won’t be able to calm your child down,. A night terror usually lasts about 10 to 20 minutes. A child might have 2 or 3 night terrors a week.
●”Confusional arousals” are when your children seems awake but confused, but they are actually in a state in-between sleeping and waking up. They might sit up in bed, moan, or cry. Just like a night terror, you won’t be able to calm your child down, even if you try. These episodes usually last 10 to 30 minutes.
●Nightmares are very scary, sad, or upsetting dreams that wake a child up. After a nightmare, children often have trouble going back to bed. (Nightmares usually happen in the second half of the night.) Your child will be fully awake after a nightmare, recognise you, and usually able to be comforted.
Although it can be scary to see your child having a night terror or confusional arousal, it’s not dangerous. And your child won’t remember them the next day! (Things like night terrors, confusional arousals, and sleepwalking sometimes run in families – so ask granny what you/your partner did. Sometimes it’s interesting.)

How can you help?
If your child has a night terror or confusional arousal, just stay with your child until it stops. **You should NOT try to wake him or her up.** Once it stops in 10 – 30 minutes, your child will go “back” to sleep.

If your child has a nightmare, that’s a bit different. You can try to help by
●Reminding your child that it was only a dream and not real. Remember that this may not work for young children who already have trouble understanding what is real and what is not; it’s normal for little ones.
●Make a new ending to the story. Help your child think of a new, happy ending to the dream. Silly works, too. (Think of JK Rowling’s “Riddikulus” spell in her Harry Potter books – even without a wand, it’s truly magic stuff.)
●The next day, if your child is still bothered by the dream, try helping them draw a picture or, if they are older, write about the dream.
If these things are happening 1 or 2 times a month only, your child won’t need anything else. Most children outgrow their night terrors and confusional arousals over time, but it can take 1 to 2 years!

Best tips to prevent it:

You might be able to prevent night terrors and confusional arousals by making sure your child gets enough sleep. Sticking to a regular sleep schedule helps a great deal with this –(see today’s other post on sleep if you missed it.)

Try to improve sleep by:
●Have a set bedtime and bedtime routine for your child. [this is key!]
●Keep your child’s bedtime and wake-up time about the same every day (on school and non-school days).
●Make the hour before bed a quiet time. Avoid TV or other screens and high-energy activities.
●Keep your child’s room quiet and dark. If your child is scared of the dark, use a night light that is not too bright.
●Don’t have a TV in your child’s bedroom.

2. “Scheduled awakening” technique is worth trying if you are a mammy at the end of her tether.
You probably know exactly when he gets these every night. Go into the child’s room and gently wake your child for a moment only, about 15 to 20 minutes PRIOR to the usual time of the night terrors or confusion.
During the “scheduled awakening” attempt, just comfort your child – little hug or cuddle – and gently settle them back to sleep. Though this has not been well tested in clinical studies, the technique may be worth trying and is recommended by many experts.

If you can’t find a pattern to your child’s night terrors/confusion, try this first:
1. Tighten up bedtime routine and put child on schedule (won’t be easy!!), but does help everything from preventing the events to helping manage them. .
2. Use a sleep diary or journal (I’ve attached an example of one) marking the times of the terrors, etc. until you can see a pattern.

And, as always, if you are still struggling, do talk to your GP.  As a last resort, there are consultant doctors who are sleep specialists available for these specific types of sleep disorders (also includes sleep walking) that we term “parasomnias”.